5th day of 2005

It is already a new year but I still live in my past. When can I escape it? My mind just want a bf but I have forgotten that I should fall for a person before I can find a bf. Maybe he is right, I still uncertain about relationship. I just search blindly for a bf and never care about other people's feeling. It really sound selfish. I very scare of lonely, so I afraid people tend to leave me after awhile. Hai.... it always happen. At first the person will contact u everyday after a week or more...the person will just ignore you. I just want to find someone to love me and I love him. Do you think is simple? However it is not that simple as u think. Now I just think of concentrating on a guy and just day dream that he is my bf. As maybe I will feel much more better and can concentrate on my studies. hahaha but it really sound stupid. That guy maybe will just ignore me...I dun mind.

Today social dance I feel that my dancing is so suck as I really very clumsy. I just can't dance with a partner. Stress when I am dancing. My partner also never comes for lesson for weeks. I think of joining another CCA which is do with sport but I want a friend to accompany me. If anyone want to join CCA that do with sport, can you contact me.

sentence for today: 'love is something which you always can't understand what it is"